When the Smoke Clears

Damn you and your yummy cookie goodness. All your baked goods are tasty, but in particular I complain about your Raspberry Chantilly treats, a sugar cookie with a layer of sweet raspberry preserves topped off with a sugar cookie lattice and dusted with powdered sugar.
Thankfully hard to find in most stores near the cabin, [...]

To all executive level staff:
In recent meetings I have been requested to do provide information on products. I am able to provide that information, but I also add caveats. Certainly I am not one to shirk work or avoid responsibilities, but since I am usually met with blank stares or disbelief, I wish to [...]

this morning on the way to work:
Let’s slow it down. I go a little fast on mountain roads I’m familiar with, but you shouldn’t, judging from the way your back end was skidding around the corners. I know you’re coming up north from one of the more “urban” counties, but so long as you’re [...]

It’s time to regroup.
A friend gave me your new album. I’m always on the lookout for something different that I might not normally listen to. It’s fair enough to say I have never been a big fan, though there are a few songs I like, but lady, to put it bluntly: You need to [...]

When you see me walking towards my office at a fast pace, bag of lunch in one hand, clip board and blue prints under my arm, phone up to my ear and I am talking hurriedly, it is NOT a good time to step in front of me and start the conversation with , “Hey, [...]

You know that whole birthday extravaganza you want to pull off? Stop it. Stop making others do your work for you when you need to be making the effort.
In particular I am talking about the birthday song, or whatever birthday ditty the restaurant’s corporate offices put together for their wait staff to do for [...]

Not Today…

When in a meeting where I am amicably accepting reductions in scope and square footage in order to help with your budget, should I recommend changes I would like to see, do NOT keep interrupting and talking over me.
I will reach a limit. Then it’s not pretty.
And, yes, I had to wear a [...]

We’ve been trying to make this easier on you, so now some instructions on decoding the complicated new wall panels:
* to turn the projector on, push the button that says “Proj On”
* to get the computer to show, push the button that says “Comp”
* to get the DVD player to show, push the button that [...]

I don’t like to fight. Usually. Well, sometimes. However I am far from one to shy away from conflict, especially if I have to deal with a crowd of inconsiderate, nasty, … oh… what’s the scientific term I’m looking for? Oh yeah: “Fuck-heads.”
When a person is being considerate by not taking a large cart [...]

Yes, it is beautiful and quiet up here in the mountains. It’s why we happy people turned all quaint on you and came up to try to fit in and be welcomed by those already here. That means we notice that your extremely loud motorcycles and glider planes can be heard for many many miles. [...]

If you do not plan ahead and make allowances for my possible schizophrenia, I can no longer be expected to compensate for your myriad of neuroses.
Thank you for your time.