When the Smoke Clears

Memo to the Army: Let’s get back to work on that Anthrax vaccine. Anything which causes that much pain two minutes AFTER initial penetration is clearly not doing something right.

Memo to Acquaintances: Texting on my phone is a way to say hi without interrupting or to see if I am available for a social function. It is NOT a method of conversation. I will not tap out lengthy details, especially anything I wouldn’t put in an email. If you are upset by my curtness, get over it and call.

Memo to Walmart: Stop using the “We Will Rock You” audio clip in stores. Just F-in stop.

Memo to several of the women I have dated: I’m a little lonely at times, not desperate. Don’t even bother leaving your luggage at the curb, I already know how much baggage you’re bringing.

Memo to a Freak: We were talking about college football for 2 minutes. How that became me being a dumb, brainwashed soldier drinking the right-wing Kool-aid was stunning. I didn’t pay for a private college by joining the military, I earned my way with academic scholarships and work. There’s a reason I walked away from your yelling. Seriously unstable.

Memo to Eyeglass Repair Kit Manufacturers: Put a screwdriver in there small enough to use with the screws you supply. I shouldn’t have to get my computer tools out. And… seriously? Phillips-head? The way those things strip out to useless at that size?

Memo to Big Cities: No, you have NO right to tap into my water. If you want it, you have to pay. I set the price. I own the land and all the rights thereto. You should have planned better. I did.

Memo to Sarah Michele-Gellar: I know you think about me since you keep getting that restraining order renewed… so there’s still a chance, right?

Memo to my local politicians surprised that they weren’t re-elected: Everyone in this town said to not destroy the ball fields. They were a donation. We remember. If you didn’t listen during the public comments of the Commissioners’ meetings, you should have hung around the barber shop for a little bit.

Memo to Civilian Contractors: I realize you think you can’t be fired. Keep screwing with my money or my soldiers’ money and you’ll wish firing were the only thing going on.

Memo to Amazon: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Your customer service is outstanding. It’s like going to a small-town store run by a friend. Don’t lose that. Ever. (And M-Edge… y’all, too. Great folks.)

Trackback URI | Comments RSS