Inexcusable

No excuse for my failure to update everyone.

I leave in a few hours. Out of the loop again. Luckily my readership has dropped off to a select group of friends so there’s no anxiety about maintaining a blogsite. Those with keys should still have keys. Please post.

I’ve been trying to get work situated as well as all my gear for OCS. I don’t want to stand out. I don’t want to be at the top or bottom of the class. This has sent me on a scavenger hunt with over 1000 miles of driving in the last few days.

To be honest I have had a couple of epiphanies in the last few weeks. (Nothing about my mother. How I feel about her should be pretty obvious to anyone and losing her would be about the toughest thing in my life.) First off one of the reasons I have been so anxious the last few months is that I really don’t have a hang out buddy, someone to run into in the evenings and have a beer or two and goof off and laugh. The good Major was my last real hangout buddy I could talk to about anything. He’s been in Korea almost 2 years. My young ones are great, but they are also caught up in their own lives, girlfriends, etc.

The other epiphany: I’m not sure I want to do this right now. I need time to prepare myself mentally and I just didn’t have it this time. But I am not about to walk away. I have to have faith that A: this is the direction God wants for me, otherwise things wouldn’t keep pointing me this way and B: once I get there, the stress of the instructors won’t be so bad and will be enough to keep my mind off of the petty stuff in the regular life right now.

I will miss y’all. I will be back soon. Certain people already have addresses.

Watch after my mom.

20 Responses to “Inexcusable”

  1. on 11 Jan 2008 at 3:50 HomefrontSix

    Could one of those certain people pass an address on to me when they have a chance? I’d love to send a note or letter!

    homefrontsix @ yahoo.com

    Thanks :)

    RSM ~ many prayers for you. You know my thoughts on the whole thing. And, should you need a “hang out buddy”, the door is open.

  2. on 11 Jan 2008 at 6:28 jck

    The next step… You are ready, I am sure of it. You have had a lot on your plate, and more keeps piling on. Maybe this is part of the plan – you won’t always get the time you desire to prepare… Don’t forget how much support you have – there will continue to be lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way.

    And if one of those certain people could pass an address to me while they are sending to HomefrontSix, I would greatly appreciate it.

    jkasakevich53@charter.net

  3. on 11 Jan 2008 at 11:45 Journey

    Ah, the stress doesn’t always let you see the forest for the trees. I’m sure once he has a chance to step back he will see (and feel) all those who love him.

    Right now (without his new army issue eyeglasses) he’s seeing rather myopic right now.

    I think in the weeks ahead he’ll settle down to his new normal and he’ll get to see things more clearly and share with us his additional epiphanies… including learning how to work through stress in really positive ways.

    Or do you guys, those that know him, think I’m being silly and thinking wishfully?

  4. on 11 Jan 2008 at 13:28 supergurl

    good luck, bro. prosperity now. i’ll keep your mom in my prayers and you too.

  5. on 11 Jan 2008 at 14:36 Tori Lennox

    *hugs* sweetie. My prayers are with you.

  6. on 11 Jan 2008 at 20:39 Jean

    Best to you, dear man.
    Let me know if I can do anything here.

  7. on 11 Jan 2008 at 22:51 Grace

    Sometimes you can’t go into things feeling prepared for them, you just go and realize that you are. Good luck with OCS.
    Keeping you and your mother in my thoughts.

  8. on 11 Jan 2008 at 23:50 LauraB

    If live leads you to TX, please let us know. We’ll stand you a drink – or a large sweet tea and a steak with all the crap that goes with it.

    You won’t have a moment to even consider decisions you’ve made. Don’t worry. You won’t have a moment to yourself to think about yourself. Just the cure, I think…

  9. on 12 Jan 2008 at 12:36 Teresa

    One step at a time – don’t look at the overall picture… it’s too daunting. But I’m sure that you will get it all done.

    Take care!

  10. on 12 Jan 2008 at 16:16 Mrs. Who

    I haven’t been over here in too long! I’m glad your Mom is on the road to recovery, and she does have some wonderful family looking out for her.

    Don’t know if you’ll see this anytime soon, but good luck at OCS. I know you’ll make your Mom proud.

  11. on 12 Jan 2008 at 17:31 Eric

    …. good luck, brother….. you will go far…

  12. on 13 Jan 2008 at 14:30 Lou

    Man buddies are hard to come by; I hope you find one that you can relate to. As for God, may He give you peace and understanding.

  13. on 13 Jan 2008 at 21:08 Libby

    You won’t see this until you get back but I’m wishing you a safe journey through this new adventure. I’m sure you’re going to end up at the top of your class, no matter how average you’re trying to be.

    Looking forward to your return.

  14. on 14 Jan 2008 at 3:56 dagamore

    Do what you have to do, and everything else will be all right.

    Nothing wrong with hidding in the pack, just remeber you want to be in the top half of that pack, not the bottom.

  15. on 15 Jan 2008 at 9:32 RedNeck

    Late to the party as usual. All the best wishes man, I know you can do it. Prayers for your momma. Corvette and all… ;)

  16. on 15 Jan 2008 at 16:47 Journey

    Hey all,

    I emailed someone I know, asking what the OCS experience will be like (since this civilian doesn’t have a clue) and this is what he had to share:

    “at Accelerated OCS every minute of the day is utilized to make the compressed schedule work. During Phase II, it was classroom instruction from 0800, often until 2100 or so, stopping only for meals. Every day was pretty much 0400 to 2300, not one day “off”.

    So, there you have it, he’ll only have time enough to breath. I guess we should amuse ourselves here till he gets back. Any ideas?

  17. on 15 Jan 2008 at 22:35 Richmond

    Take care, RSM – I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers…

  18. on 16 Jan 2008 at 17:52 oddybobo

    You are in my thoughts man! You and your ma.

  19. on 22 Jan 2008 at 11:43 lily

    take care.

  20. on 26 Jan 2008 at 22:27 Miss B

    wishing you well, rsm…

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