When the Smoke Clears

There are reasons for it all. There is a reason for turning my back on a (currently tenuous) executive position, putting it on hold knowing it will go away.

And I have had doubts. Many excessive doubts.

But for the last 2 years a plan was bubbling underneath. I’ve not just taken these classes for the heck of it, I took Anatomy for a reason. I go back and help tutor in it to keep my knowledge fresh, to go beyond being able to answer the questions on a test, instead moving towards an ability to recall details of the subject. I refresh my skills in mathematics for a reason. I look back at my medical texts to keep my skills active.

Sitting in a hotel room alone I thought to myself, What the hell are you thinking? This is the time in your life when you career should be peaking and you’re about to turn your back on it and walk away. Stupid. Stupid.

But then I revealed that weakness to my friend the Chief.

“Bull$h!^,” he explained. “You have been out of the rat race for 4 years and they are STILL going after you, raising the stakes each time. After this, you’ll be even more poised to work federal if it all goes bad and you decide to go back. This is you enhancing your career. If you decide to go back, great, if you move forward with your real plan, even better. * by the way, you oughta think about Special Forces…” Memo to Chief: the hell?

So my goal as it stands now: military, working my way towards the military’s Physician’s Assistant school, picking up other classes along the way, if I can.

I have seen first hand some of the quality of care problems our soldiers receive from outside contractors and winced. I am happy in the field, often the more miserable, the bigger the grin on my face. I know I’m probably not going to be able to change the whole system, having started so late (though who knows?) but I have no wife, no kids to worry about right now so I can take a few risks still. I’ll probably be forced to sell the cabin at some point. That will hurt. But I can build a better one later.

Will I get deployed? At some point, absolutely. I have no problem with that.

And I won’t be able to make everyone’s life better, but I like taking care of the good guys. The classes I take and the information I learn receives my full attention and desire to master it because it I’m doing it for all the right people. I can make my most concerted effort to be certain the soldiers in my charge receive some of the best medical care possible, and where I can, provide it to their families in hopes of easing some of their worries and burdens.

I could easily spend the next 20 years happily doing just that. I might not make it, but, ups and downs, I will damned sure enjoy the journey.

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