Things Changed Today
June 11th, 2007 by rsm
“To be honest, buddy, I’m ready for another deployment.”
I snorted, “I’m sure you haven’t told T [the wife] about that one…”
“Oh no. No. No nonononononono NO.”
“Things change.”
MAJ K sat across from me at the diner, picking at his salad, avoiding the carrot slivers before finally giving in. Physically he’s a fairly large man, but his presence makes him seem huge: his head a smooth, bald pate, his voice a booming, gravelly bass with a good, southern accent, his smile infectious, his war face terrifying. When he is angry, there is no doubt.
“Hey, thanks, Derrick!” he said as the waiter brought over our food. He always makes an effort to learn names and will use them.
I’ve known him for four years. We’ve spent time together, he’s been a friend to me. On his last deployment to Iraq, he was the officer in charge of many of my young ones. I know how big his heart is. I know each wound on them caused him to hurt. I know several situations which made him cry later in private.
“So why a deployment,” I asked.
“It’s just… all this… this stuff. The bull on the day to day around here, pogues thinking they can get away with things, others pushing paperwork in my face. Over there, I did my job, we worked together, we did good for people.”
“And the regular world just doesn’t seem so regular? At least, not something you want to be a part of?”
“Yeah. By the way, anyone give you any problems today?”
“No, sir. It was all fine. I got everything I needed.”
“Good,” he said resolutely.
Derrick put the check on the table as the MAJ turned to grab the pepper. I snatched the check. “OH no. Come on now, I got this.”
“Let me, sir, it’s my treat.”
“Now I don’t… No… I got it… Man… I could…”
“I know you could… NOW. But you won’t,” I smiled and winked. “Not yet, at least.”
This is a man I want to emulate, his concern for others, his presence, the respect he garners. Earlier today I saw it when he walked into a building on base. People scrambled, some who had been slacking scrambled out of fear, others rushing over to shake his hand and ask how he was doing. When he was present, things happened, more things than I normally see of someone with his rank.
But he has also been a good friend to me over the years; he providing me with a sounding board, some clarity of mind; me having the honor of doing the same for him, checking on how his wife and children were doing while he was in “the triangle” over there, giving him advice to further his education. I’ve even proofread papers for him. He can’t stay in the Army forever. Things change. He should teach school when he retires. Kids, especially teenagers, adore him but also want to please him and fear him if he starts to have to correct them. I know some people. We’re going to be able to help him push along to a Masters degree quickly, there are many strings I can pull.
He points out my love of the soldiers I help. He points out my love of medicine. He knows I am eager for change. “Buddy, I know what I want, but what I really want is what’s best for YOU,” he said to me this morning.
Earlier this year I was offered a position with a company in the big city. I would have to give up what I have here, which is going away to a degree anyway as circumstances at work change. In exchange I would receive some heartburn, a need to live (at least during the week) in a place from which I moved away, live in the cabin only some weekends. However, I would be back in a great career, full time, making what is quite frankly a pretty danged good money, double what I make now, with bonuses kicking it well into the obscene.
I talked to him about it, about the current job and all the stress that has happened watching others lay claim to my hard work. I’ve weighed it out. What is important. What is not important. What a paltry short time we have in life. Things change. Midlife: crisis or ratchet up the power a notch?
He’s still calling me by my first name today, but we are different now.
Years of work, of classes, investigations have changed our situation, our friendship.
Earlier today, people moved for him. It was important to him. I didn’t realize just how much so, and it was important to me. A room normally full of bright eyed, eager young men and women and tired older eyes, somewhat jaded, was cleared. Quickly and thoroughly. For him. For me.
Dark paneling brightened with swaths of dramatic lighting surrounded us. For others this would be a happy moment, with friends, family, and a host of unknown people going through the motions. This was very different. We had talked, we needed to talk in private. We stood in front of each other alone on the blood-red carpet. There were no chairs. No one would disturb us. Facing him, looking in his eyes I saw the flash from extra moisture, a slight catch in his throat. I fought my own emotional welling, realizing the gravity of this change, painfully aware of my new, reduced place, confident it was for the better.
To my friend, who is now my commanding officer, I said the words:
I … do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.
May God bless and protect you.
Thank you.
I, for one, am proud to call you my friend. Our country is better for your decision.
[...] and one helluva man. [...]
So proud of you soooo proud!!
Ah, yes – my heart skips a beat and such pleasure surges in…congratulations and a deep thank you. Lady and Lord watch over you and yours, Sir.
You are amazing.
Thank you.
And I’m so very proud of you!
i think i saw this before anyone else commented, but had to run off to Monday night church [[so if you saw that there was a lurker earlier, it was me]].
i am so very proud of you, uncle. thank you for doing this ^_^
God bless and keep you.
oh, dear man… proud doesn’t say it.
When? Where? Details!
Good for you. All my best. I am so proud.
Thank you and thank the Major and all the brave men and women who have fought and died. Ya’ll endure and sacrifice so I can sleep well at night. A million thank yous doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Oh my goodness – just when I think I couldn’t admire you more… What a fine man you are.
Bless you RSM. The world needs more of you.
Brother, kick ass.
Absolutely fantastic! What to say? Starting with a heartfelt thank you. You are doing what others cannot. Admiration for your choice as well. It is not an easy choice, nor an easy path. But to be able to look inside and find the clarity to take this step. Wow… Just wow. I know that the ripples of good that flow to others will be more than you will ever know. But I expect that the good that comes back to you will be enough. Be safe, and enjoy the challenges.
You have my utmost admiration for this. And, having read you for quite some time now, it is not surprising. But we’re very proud!
Dude, holy sh*t….that was so moving. Knock ‘em dead, bro.
May the light shine on you, and through you. Give ‘em hell.
Congratulations, sir!
God bless you and thank you.
God Bless and Keep you, RSM, Sir!
My heartfelt thanks and prayers go with you.
Congratulations, and may God watch over and keep you.
Salute!
Walrilla
You go man! I like your arguments, that you felt more appreciated in your deployment job then in your “paperwork” job. You are a true hero to me.
God bless you and keep you safe. You and your fellow brethren are what makes America truly great.
Congratulations, and thank you so much for your choice to serve.
I’ve seen your comments, but I don’t know how I missed that you had a blog. My apologies for my obliviousness. I’ll be back to read more.
My deepest thanks to you. I’ve not met you in person, we will change that someday I hope. My prayers for your safety always.
We need more men like you, I am so very proud to know just a small part of you!
Godspeed, man. And thank you.
I’ve been wondering for a while why you hadn’t made this most obvious choice. It’s always been your passion.
Add me to the many folks who hold your friendship with deep pride. I’ll be holding you and your troops in my prayers.
That’s my blogdaddy! My heart bursts.
HOO-AHH!
Oh, wow! Bless you and thank you. *hugs*
Oh. My. God. Thank you, RSM. GOTT BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!
May God bless you and keep you, brother.
Good on ya! I guess I’ll have to move you over to my military bloggers.
Thank you.
May God richly bless you and yours and keep you all safe.
… rock on, RSM….. Semper Fi… fair winds and following seas, friend…..
amazing. thank you.
May you receive from those around you as much as I know they will receive from you. May God Bless you and Keep you and all that you serve with, in the palm of his hands.
Congratulations… You are going to be a tremendous soldier and medic.
great post, i’m proud of you and happy for you.
it’s a lot, actually, just to impress one gurl with a serious camo fetish, but i’m very impressed. of course, take pictures and post often.
peace and much love to you, brother.
Thank you.
Congratulations and welcome to the fraternity. May God bless and keep you along with all your brothers and sisters in arms.
Welcome, brother! It is an amazing fraternity of people that believe America and her values are worth fighting for and are willing to put it all on the line to demonstrate their love of our great nation. I’m proud to call you a Soldier and count you among those with whom I am proud to serve. If there is anything I can ever do, don’t hesitate to ask.
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Thank you.