When the Smoke Clears

(Milblog thoughts, part 2 of 3)

Some people leave positive impressions on almost everyone they meet. I think it comes down to the energy, the life they bring to the moment. Everyone’s friend this weekend seemed to be Chuck Ziegenfuss, but few were prepared for just how incredible his wife was as well, I think. They make a great team. Chuck is witty in spite of his traumatic brain injury. His wife likes to point out he had a traumatic brain BEFORE the injury. Her name tag had the subtitle of “Chuck’s Better Half,” but after a while it became clear there were a few other applicable epithets such as “Just about the only good thing going for Chuck” and “Chuck’s Reality Check.” Her smile was infectious, her sarcasm and humor even more so.

Chuck did not hold back in conversations nor in his talks about what he went through. He spoke with brutal honesty and (brutal) humor about the positive and negative, the dark moments and those things others did which meant so much, including just being there for him.

One of the most intense moments of the conference for me wasn’t among the emotional talks, and there were plenty of those. For about 10 minutes during the cocktail reception, Chuck explained to another person and I about his injurred hand, the sensations, the numbness, the pain when warmed. I watched with both medical and personal fascination as he ran his hand along the high-top pub table around which we stood. The A&P course I have been taking rushed into my head as he talked about the process of nerve regeneration, the four remaining fingers of his hand outstretched and moving across the white tablecloth, a blister-like shape on the underside of his wrist. And yet he had a way of putting people at ease under such circumstances. However, he doesn’t seem to try to make everyone happy and like him. He appears to have an attitude of “Take me as I am. If that’s not good enough for you, that’s your problem. Go away.” With this crowd, that works fine.

The other newly met milblogger to leave a mark on myself, as well as many others, was SGT Hook. (I want to write SGM since it’s more appropriate, but he’s not changing his website just for that.) When I linked him on the side here, the rollover comment I placed was “The Soldier you hope your son or daughter grows into…” I based that on reading him as well as knowing the work he did for getting shoes to Afghan children. I stand by that assessment.

Like so many others I was even more impressed by meeting the man in person. Warm but analyzing eyes set the tone as he walked up the stairs to the reception, heading over to the table of name tags, adding a note of “Hook” to his before pinning it on. It was a pleasure to talk with him multiple times about some things and nothing in particular. The energy he brings is quiet, calm, powerful. I even managed to secure his first of the hotel’s VERY overpriced beers, though something tells me it was as much a prop as a refreshing beverage. As much as I wanted to keep talking with him, to really get to some questions I had for him, I did not want to dominate his time. He’s someone I’d like to have in my supply of friends.

During a panel discussion, he had one of the signature quotes of the event. When asked about what he would say to the peace activists: “I don’t want to come home until we win.” While some people might overanalyze and criticize that statement, those of us there knew exactly what he meant in terms of duty to his country and his family while missing them both.

After the event we gathered back down at the bar, and he and I were able to finally get a good bartender to pay some attention to us and supply us before he headed off to spend some time with relatives in the DC area. Again, I didn’t want to dominate his time, but I knew this was a man I respected and liked.

Finally, one moment to share, without analysis, just this descriptor: Robert Stokely remembering his son who was killed in action in Iraq. He was the quiet dignity of the conference. I spoke to the man in person for a while, came by as he was talking with Army Wife, Toddler Mom. Those words will stay with me until I pass on as well.

(more tomorrow)

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