Steady and firm, the rain fell from the sky today. The significance was only that I had meetings in the big city all day with time in between them. Under somber waterfall I found myself in my old haunts, the places I used to drive every day, a superstore I used to visit regularly with the same merchandise only more brown colors.
With the heavy rain traffic was worse than normal as could be expected, the inconsiderately brave causing the overly cautious to force the streets into a slowly shifting sand dune. I thought to myself “Did I really used to live like this? Could I do it again if I had to? I could make a lot more money if I agreed to work in this area again.”
I’m really not sure. Changes are coming, I can feel it, but I don’t know if it is the rain or the realization that is making me melancholy. The crowds of people pressing in together yet forcing themselves apart, deliberately self-absorbed, and, I’m sorry, but so many seem so dishonest.
When I wander through the streets of my little town, or I go into the stores, yes, I hear those thick Appalachian accents and snippets of conversations as people talk about what Hank is up to, or how someone got cheated at the Daytona 500, and I smile. I like hearing them. They are my neighbors, even those who might be strangers, and if we make eye contact, they often will try to pull me into their friendly conversation.
In the city, someone doing that makes me nervous.
Perhaps there are other contrasts. Yesterday was so beautiful and two soldiers took me to lunch where we ran into a number of other soldiers who saw me out and about and came over to say hi and talk for a few minutes, even though they didn’t know the two I was with. It was natural, it was casual. Today, drenched from the rain, I caught lunch between meetings, a pre-prepared sandwich that was sitting in a case, pulled out and put on a grill. At least I was in a bookstore, but I sat alone, trying to feel warmth for the people around me. I also notice that all those “support the troops” and yellow ribbon magnets are gone from the cars in the city. There’s a reason and I don’t think it has to do with my rant against them. Fickle… disingenuous… disgusting… and entirely expected.
But back home, things feel better. It’s time for a little more exercise. 0600 is for the gym. 2000 is for the Yoga mat. Both places feel comfortable. Perhaps if I have to go back to the city, I can find a peaceful place on the mat.
Don’t leave us! You spice this town.
perhaps YOU are the Mat?
Just sayin’.
It’s why I drive everyday. I love where I live. I love the quiet, the small town appeal. But there is no work for me here. It’s in the cities.
So I make the only choice I can right now. I’m not always sure it’s the right choice, but it’s the only one I can live with right now.
Good luck as you sort all this out…….