Phone and a Knock
November 25th, 2006 by rsm
Well that was uncomfortable.
My father showed up today, giving me only a few hours notice that he was coming. I’m… tolerant. I see some of the things that are similarities between us and it makes me worry. If those things are similar, am I capable of the same level of violence against those I love? I hope not. Am I as susceptible to alcoholism? well, I will only drink when there are others around and when I am NOT upset.
He often spoke to others of his dreams of a mountain cabin. I have one now, right in the area where he used to like to hike, secluded though not isolated. There are other things such as how I sound when I sneeze; minor things, but a man is the sum of such trivialities.
It has been many months since I last talked to him, over a year since I last saw him. Apparently he was hospitalized with pneumonia but no one thought to let me know. It certainly took a toll on him. He seems to have aged 10 years since I last saw him.
I made my attempts at being pleasant, keeping the conversation on he and his girlfriend. He says he just works for fun now, part time doing data processing for a bank. I’m sure that after he sold the business, but held on to the property and building, he does not require money so much. I can see he’s trying to reconcile after all these years, I just don’t feel that I have it in me, as bad as that might seem. He mentions he is not long for this world and wants to know what things he has collected that I might want. I try to stress that I have everything I need, and those things I might want are not to be found in a storage shed.
But I try to be nice. It’s the best I can do.
Being aware of a negative trait or tendancy is the best way to keep it at bay/under control. You’ve already taken steps to monitor your own behavior. Probably will never be an issue in your life.
Don’t let the concern give you ulcers, though! You’re obviously a very strong, intelligent, caring and determined individual.
Not knowing the whole story between you & your dad, trying to be nice sounds like doing the best you can do.
Uncomfortable at best, I would imagine. Being pleasant is plenty.
We are not our parents, RSM – however much we may resemble them.
You are a kind and generous man of your own creation. That is what is important…
And having lived through violence, the only important thing is to not repeat nor endorse it. You have done both. That too is good…
Yeah, I understand what you mean. I have those same kinds of feelings about my mom. I ask myself many of the same questions and have come to the same conclusions. It is not our blood that makes us what we are, but our choices.