Linguistics
July 18th, 2006 by That 1 Guy
RSM is a guy who really appreciates knowledge, and the opportunity to learn new things. I know he’s taken plenty of supplementary courses, from Underwater Basket Weaving, to Crochet, and Ceramics to Lamaze (don’t ask). With all of his learning, I wonder if he’s ever taken Gas Stationese, the language of Gas Station Attendunces Attendants. With all of my travelling that I’ve been doing, I’m very frustrated with my lack of understanding this language.
Some times, I can come close to figuring out what it is that the attendunce has said to me, but most times, they are looking at me like I’ve got three heads. Based on events, context, and proximity, I piece things together, but today my ignorance had its chance to shine. And shine it did…
I parked at the pump, popped the fuel door and unscrewed the cap, lifted the nozzle and selected my fuel type. Suddenly the speaker above me growls, “neyoobum foees neybreedumo.”
Me: “Is it prepay?”
Attendant: *”are you retarded?” stare*
Me: “Ready?”
Attendant: *continuing stare*
Sure enough, it was ready to go. Heheheh… how silly of me. I should have known! Pump four was ready to go!
This language is universal, too. It’s not a matter of North or South. The attendant above was in Northern Illinois, and the one below was in Athens, Alabama.
Me: *buying gum and Gatorade*
A: “Deyum freedols mentsen.”
Me:*drooling idiot fight stance*
A: “Deyum freedols mentsen.”
Me: *still in stance*
A: “Deyum freedols mentsen!!!”
Me: *hands over a twenty instead of a five*
A: “Datzsistendols n fureensten.”
Me: *takes change and counts it later… $16.43*
I felt so stupid… I’m thinking that life will be so much easier if I can learn how to speak like that. I guess I’ll be checking out RSM’s bookshelves for the manuals, while he’s out… I know he’s got one here, somewhere. You should hear how well he speaks that language after a single beer…
Hahahahahaha! Well having a second language is always a good idea… ; )
T1G,
It sounds a lot like the Indiana Mumble. I can probably translate for you.
I’d probably do you more good, as I was a gas station attendant (not a dunce) for the better part of 6 months. Although… my station employed all high school graduates, and most of us had college experience as well. It was the customers we had trouble understanding.