(Guest Blogger!!!)
Words have a very powerful meaning to each person in our civilized society. But at what point do they become weapons meant to hurt people? This is something the Supreme Court and many others have tried to answer but have failed. Tonight I have had my own experience but in a very unsettling way. In this post the names have been taken out… because… well… I’m not a complete ass…
A little background is in order for you to fully appreciate the circumstances. I broke up with my ex-fianc?ɬ©e almost one year ago. She and I had differences that we had disputed over for four years. So in my infinite wisdom, I proposed to her with very deep hopes to save a relationship that I really wanted to work.
Well, needless to say, that wasn?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t the band-aid to fix and after a while I barely knew my ex-fianc?ɬ©e. In addition, she had cheated on me twice two years earlier, which had tarnished the trust that was once there. Five months before the wedding I finally decided to cancel it. Needless to say, she was not happy. I felt very bad for what I did but I knew it had to be done. In fact, on one occasion after we broke up she asked me ?¢?Ǩ?ìHow am I going to pay for school now??¢?Ǩ¬ù
This reaffirmed my decision and gave me a new way to look at women.
Shortly thereafter, I found out she had gone on a couple of dates with a guy she admitted to me she liked while we were engaged. I was crushed, and felt awful. This sent a clear signal that she was over me and better off without me. About this time, my present fianc?ɬ©e helped me through this time with words of inspiration and comfort.
Eventually, my ex-fianc?ɬ©e and I stopped talking and life went on. One day I had put on facebook.com (a classmates-type web site) that I was in a relationship with my fianc?ɬ©e. Needless to say, my ex found out about it and called me with very choice words. She was upset I was dating someone when she had gone out on dates before me. This further deepened my confusion and showed me I still know nothing about the opposite sex. After that conversation we had no contact until her sister e-mailed me today.
In her sister’s e-mail she sounds very bitter. I guess she was trying to be noble but at the same time hurt me. Maybe through hurting me it would make her sister feel better. Besides the point this is what she wrote:
I find your way of informing my sister that you’re engaged interesting. Could you not have just emailed or called her directly? She doesn’t much care; she actually finds it humorous. I find it weak. I truly hope that you and M find a happy and stable life together–I dare say that I’m sure you won’t treat her as you did C. I did find you to be a loving, friendly and polite young man but now I see that you may also be quite immature. My remarks should mean nothing to you unless they stir some introspection.
Now, this to me is someone who does not deserve a response based on the obvious bitterness and tone of her e-mail. But isn?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t it funny how words even though not directed at you directly can have a tone to represent so many emotions and opinions.
After reading this I had my fianc?ɬ©e read the e-mail and she responded to it in the way I knew she would. She basically said it was only meant to hurt me and I shouldn?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t reply back. But, at that point something hit me. If she is so determined to hurt me, I should respond back with politically laced words. Basically, well thought sentences that make you sound intelligent and get your point across in a very elaborate matter. With this mindest this is what I wrote:
Well it is nice to hear from you again. I hope things are going well with you and your husband. Now in regards to your last e-mail; your sister has not called me in months and every phone conversation we have had since the break-up has been in all respects less than eventful. I guess it is very hard for your sister and I to talk due to the past that will always be a part of our lives. If she had wanted me to call her or e-mail her I would have been glad to but since she and I haven’t spoke in months I figured she wanted nothing more to do with the relationship we had. I truly do wish the best for C and hope she has a great relationship with J. I am sure he will treat her better than I could have. Again I am truly sorry if I caused any hardship or confusion. In addition I have converted to being an Episcopal and have found a great outlook in religious studies. M and I use this as our guide to life and all of its obstacles. With this outlook and a lot of spiritual guidance I decided that M was the woman I should marry. Your sister and I had a lot of differences that I tried to fix but I didn’t see us working them out any time soon. I am just sorry I waited till when I did to cancel the marriage. In closing I hope you have a great life and I hope your family does too. Even though I had a falling out with your sister I still care for your family dearly and wish nothing but the best for them.
I believe I had accomplished what I wanted to do. This was to show her I truly don?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t care what she thinks and I really hope her sister will find a new hobby besides looking into my personal life and finding ways of interfering with it. She had a opportunity to become friends if she would?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢ve just called instead of one person doing all of the work. But she blew it and I am certain I am just a faint memory. But in conclusion isn?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t it funny how words can stir up so much without being directed at you in the first place?
Those who read this, I hope you truly think about how people take words and twist them for their own meaning. In addition, always listen to your gut and it will never steer you wrong. Have a great day.
(Guest Blogger!!!)
Words have a very powerful meaning to each person in our civilized society. But at what point do they become weapons meant to hurt people? This is something the Supreme Court and many others have tried to answer but have failed. Tonight I have had my own experience but in a very unsettling way. In this post the names have been taken out… because… well… I’m not a complete ass…
A little background is in order for you to fully appreciate the circumstances. I broke up with my ex-fianc?ɬ©e almost one year ago. She and I had differences that we had disputed over for four years. So in my infinite wisdom, I proposed to her with very deep hopes to save a relationship that I really wanted to work.
Well, needless to say, that wasn?¢?Ǩ?Ñ¢t the band-aid to fix and after a while I barely knew my ex-fianc?ɬ©e. In addition, she had cheated on me twice two years earlier, which had tarnished the trust that was once there. Five months before the wedding I finally decided to cancel it. Needless to say, she was not happy. I felt very bad for what I did but I knew it had to be done. In fact, on one occasion after we broke up she asked me ?¢?Ǩ?ìHow am I going to pay for school now??¢?Ǩ¬ù
This reaffirmed my decision and gave me a new way to look at women.
Shortly thereafter, I found out she had gone on a couple of dates with a guy she admitted to me she liked while we were engaged. I was crushed, and felt awful. This sent a clear signal that she was over me and better off without me. About this time, my present fianc?ɬ©e helped me through this time with words of inspiration and comfort.
you’ve got class, sir. you’ve got class.
glad you found M, also.
also, welcome to the blogosphere, rifle!
As long as you called it off before the vows were said, you have nothing to feel bad about. I’m sure my ex-husband would have much rather explained to his family and friends that we were splitting up before the big ceremony instead of three years later.
You’re supposed to move on with your life. Don’t let them make you feel bad about it.
First of all, congratulations on finding the right one!
Second of all, some women, like some men view their partners as trophys, or objects..and they don’t like it when their toys defect. They feel the world owes them, and obviously someone felt you owed them the courtesy of telling them you were engaged. You don’t owe anybody shit.
Third, I would say that her sister was probably seriously misinformed as to the nature of the breakup..etc. You know that gal told some tales, right..so she’s reacting to misinformation anyway. And it sounds to me like she was hurt because the stories do not match what her impression of you is…if you think you’re confused, I bet she is too.
You handled yourself with dignity and class and I happen to agree with you on the be careful what you say deal!